I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
