I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
