If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
