have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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