I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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