There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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