So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
