It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
