it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
