Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have fence marks all over my body
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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