My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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