I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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