One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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