I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
