Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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