Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I need to stop coming to work sober
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she told me i tasted like america
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
