Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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