she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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