Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
