Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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