That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
