Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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