Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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