AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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