Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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