If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
