i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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