Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
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