I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
