i think my tv is drunk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
