i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
