You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have tasted many bathrooms
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
