I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
