He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
