i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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