Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
