just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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