We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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