remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
