Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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