I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
