You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
