You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
