I'm so fucking centered right now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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