I'm gonna have a badass scar
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
