dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
