Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They took my balls.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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