had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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