I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
