Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize