You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
