Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
