listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
