If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
