I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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