Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This is the prime rib incident all over again
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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