I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
