it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
