Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
