After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
