that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
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you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
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Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
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