Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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