Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
