everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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