I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
