Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
