im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
