8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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